I’m Not OK

Here I am two months after losing Cat. All those majestic memories are in every single thing I look at. She visits me often giving such instant peace and calm. But, unfortunately those events are so brief and seldom. The first – I felt a touch on my left shoulder while standing in the living room 3 days after she passed. I looked to the left and there Cat was, smiling her oh so sweet smile. She said: “Don’t worry, everything is going to be ok” then faded into a cloud surrounding her and disappeared. I often feel a slight movement of air, often hear an almost silent whisper of love, and other reminders that she visits me. These events are mindful of the so powerful and complete love for each other we shared. I am not ok and will not be until we are together again. I’m ready to go and wrote a piece titled that and my powerful assertion that I feel so strongly about.

I sold the van and bought a Chevy Equinox SUV. When I need power the old Ford will comfort me. Have decided that woodworking and lapidary creations are no longer safe for me. My movements are so unsteady and jerky from my Parkinson’s. There is so little wood stuff except the Delta Midi lathe and about a grand of accessories. I have a line on a man interested in all the lapidary related things. The rock house will then just be storage.

Have an electrician working on a new 220 volt 50 amp circuit/panel to power my welding equipment. Got a plasma cutter that cuts a clean 5/8”. Also a combo MIG/TIG/Arc unit, 14” abrasive cutoff saw, several angle grinders, and a variety of other metal working items. That will be so fun! I’ll greatly expand my photography. Bought another camera body and several other lenses up to 3600mm. Printing will be easier as I purchased a very fine Epson printer/fax/scanner/copier. The inks are in tanks – no cartridges, and paper from envelopes to about 14 x 18 – not certain. Will deal with Cats computer and the scanner, printer, and copier.

Found a fantastic Native silversmith in Ruidoso. Spent about an hour with him Saturday and gave him 10 Grizzly Bear claws and 4 canine teeth; and 3 Komodo Dragon claws. He will create two remarkable necklaces for ME to wear. I am very happy.

Getting little things done around the place but don’t have the energy to do much. I saw my primary care doc today about 2 things. Most important is my BP which has been around 170’s / and 100. Have been feeling horribly. Also my right ear which 3 days ago just out of the blue went quiet but not clogged. We have a plan for both issues.

Never got around to planting the flower garden. WILL next Spring. I was a bit overwhelmed this year. Ann helped. James and Digna came for 2 days. Eric visited a week. I’d love to see them much more often. My Granddaughter Caroline in Belgium is unable to travel.

As I said, I’m not ok, and I’m ready to go. Will be 76 the 17^th………..

Jim